PUA manuals and websites are packed with advice and tips on how to utilize everything from ‘neg hits’ to ‘hypnotic suggestion’ when delivering you Alpha Male patter to the intended conquest. Many aspiring PUA’s spend hours reading this advice and when it comes to field test day out on the street, they are too nervous to even approach a girl, or at least to come out with anything more than a jittery one liner. We fear rejection, and our intense fear of experiencing what the community refers to as ‘crash and burn’, stops us from utilizing all those mystic skills that are guarenteed to lead to the sex of our dreams.
So perhaps before we analyse some of the more complex techniques, we need to start from the beginning. The first thing we need to do is to conquer our fear of rejection. If we can uderstand our fears using the knowledge base of evolutionary theory, perhaps we will be able to overcome them.
Its easy to try to rationalise away our fear of rejection, and without needing any Darwinist theories. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Every rejection brings you one step closer to success… Such talk may seem obvious, but when it comes to unleashing the mystery method upon the beautiful blonde you just spotted in the supermarket, the butterflys still get resilliantly in the way. For many of us, our fear of rejection is something deep within us, no matter how irrational it may seem.
Now the Darwinist explanation. In most of evolutionary history, humans have lived together in much smaller numbers than we do today. Whilst the majority of you reading this will be attempting your game in an urban center containing perhaps hundreds of thousands or even millions of potential mates and rival males, for most of our time on Earth, we have lived in groups of perhaps less than 50 other people. Whilst you may never see that blonde in the supermarket again, and hence never have to be reminded of the humiliation of a knock-back from her, in our paeolithic past, a sexual rejection could be disastarous for ones status in the social group, both in terms or rank amongst males and ones percieved mating value for other females. I’m sure many of you who have tried picking up girls in situations such as clubs, have experienced being rejected by a female and then being evern more brusquely rejected by a female who witnessed the first rejection. No female likes to feel she is recieving rejected goods.
So we have a sketch for the evolutionary reasons why we should feel so much hangs on each PUA attempt, even though rationally, we know that in modern urban ceneters, rejections are not going to affect our social status (at least not indelibly) and that there are indeed ‘plenty more fish’.
But this is not to deny the truth that rejection can hurt, and it would hurt unless we had the skin of a rhinosoraus. Women can be nasty, and even masters with a 90% plus success rate will regularly encounter rejections that are seemingly downright evil. Here I think evolutionary psychology can help, in that it can explain why women can be so cruel, and in understanding why, it is easier to prevent oneself from taking such rejections personally.
I believe there are two reasons for the sometimes savage responses given by women to a polite attempt to talk to them. Firstly, although such responses are indeed over the top and uncalled for, bear in mind that any situation percieved as sexual, particularly a sudden one, such as a pick up attempt, takes the brain back to its most primitive state. The female brain cannot always remind itself that in a crowded bar or shop, a polite no is sufficient to convey the message no, to a polite approach from a man. In less advanced times than our own, in less chivalrous ages, it probably would have been necessary to be more assertive to a sexual approach from a man. Seen in this light, vicious rejections from females can seem less sadistic and should be taken less personally.
The second reason that women can be so rude in brushing off your attempts to talk is rather less honourable. Of course this is just a theory that occurs to me, but it would explain the seeming delight that some women do display in making you feel like you are worm that needed stamping on. This is that it would be in a females reproductive advantage that, if she has in fact made a mistake in rejecting you, that you have your self-esteem crushed. In this way, if it happens to turn out that you were, in fact, high up the social ladder, your quality genes don’t go to the offspring of a rival female. Ruthless? Certainly. But this is where understanding the evolutionary origin of sexual behaviour can transform your interpretation of a situation and find rejection easier to handle. Just try to think that if a woman has been especially cruel to you in her rejection it probably means that she actually has suspicions that you may just be an Alpha Male after all. So don’t let her crush your self-belief, just move on to the next, better looking woman, and prove to the first bitch (and to yourself) that you have what it takes.
I decided to make this my first ‘advice’ post because of the reason stated above – fear of rejection is the biggest obstacle for the aspiring PUA. But also because I believe it illustrates perfectly how evolutionary theory can and can’t help your PUA game.
Some final closing thoughts on overcoming fear of rejection :
1/ Rejection is a normal evolutionary, but nowadays irrational and unhelpful reaction to the possibility of female rejection. There is nothing to be lost by rejection and it is the only way you gain experience and overcome your fear.
2/ Nasty rejections should not be taken personally. The female may instinctively feel threatened by what is instinctively percieved as a caveman wanting sex, no matter how well groomed and polite you are! The woman might be attempting to cut you down because she suspects you might indeed have good Alpha Male genes. Just don’t let her and move on!
Like most phobias, the best way of overcoming fear of rejection is by approaching as many woman as possible (exposure therapy) and realising that rejection is something that you can handle!
